This week was one of those weeks where I felt like no matter how many times I cried out to the Lord, he was ignoring me.
I know He wasn’t, but no matter what I said to Him, there wasn’t a response.
There were a lot of things going through my head and I needed the Lord to help me sort through what was true and what wasn’t.
Realistically, I knew the answers to the questions I was having, but wanted to be sure that was what was going on, you know?!
What I realized, in His silence, was I was taking a test. Not too confident that I passed, but don’t feel like I failed, if that makes sense.
I’ve had, what feels like, darts being thrown at me. They are coming from every direction. Usually, I’m able to take a time out, cool off and bounce back, but it’s now becoming too overwhelming. I’m starting to feel the effect and not see how I’m going to deal with each wound.
One night, I was so overwhelmed that all I could do was say to myself, “I am strong, I am a child of God, and God’s got my back” over and over again until I began to cry and fall asleep.
That night the Lord showed me a quick vision of me on the battlefield looking like a gladiator. I made eye contact,with what looked like a guy that was from 300. He had on a white gown and a silver head piece that covered his face. All you could see was his eyes and his mouth and chin. He looked at me in a way that was like, “you ready?!”
I knew then and there I was going through spiritual warfare.
Because I was feeling the way I was, I needed to reach out to someone that I knew could help me. My dear sister in Christ, Omalara. I text her that morning that I needed her to pray for me. She text me back and we ended up meeting for coffee. She’s one that I can talk to for hours and it feels like minutes …laughing and talking about the Lord and how He’s been there for us.
God knew I needed that time. He arranged that whole set up. The crazy thing is, I needed her to help me see things through different eyes and was able to bless her as well while I was going through. God is awesome!! Can I get a witness?!
Anywho, I left there feeling better than when I came and I totally needed that. Even though I was still feeling some type of way, I knew that God was allowing me to go through this for a reason.
The next morning, I’m still talking to the Lord about these feelings that I was still feeling, and still I get nothing. So I told myself I’m done thinking about the situation. “When my soul fainted within me I remembered the Lord: and my prayer came in unto thee, into thine holy temple.” (Jonah 2:7)
Later on that day, a song came on that got me thinking about my situation. I get a Lyft request and headed to pick up the rider. As I’m headed to my destination I began to hear the Lord speak.
I am making you look like superwoman
People are wondering how you’re able to do it all
You make it look easy
But it’s starting to wear on you
You’re giving them something to talk about
Everyone isn’t going where you’re going
It’s better to be in this journey alone than with people who will hold you back
Count it all joy D’ondra
I know it may seem hard in the moment but remember it’s all for your good
Stop looking at the situation and look to Me
I am always with you, even when it doesn’t feel like it
Stop getting in your feelings and get into My word
Feelings change moment to moment but I am the same yesterday, today, and forever more
My child, hold your head up
Things aren’t always as they seem
It doesn’t matter what anyone says about you
Know who you are in Me
James 1:2-4 says,”count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” If I can remember that every time I’m in a tough situation, I will be better off.
Keep me in your prayers guys. God isn’t through with me yet. I know it’s only up from here!!