If you remember last week’s post, you know I’ve been having a tough time. Not much has changed since then, except that the Lord told me a few things about myself.
I have been trying to not feel the way I feel, but every time I think I’m almost out of it, something else happens that pulls me back into the slump I was in.
Lately, I have been listening to Christian podcasts, audio books about silent seasons, and trying to find scriptures on what I’m going through, but nothing seems to jump out at me to explain where I am in this season of my life.
I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was wrong. I knew I was going through something, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. I had a lot of things going through my head, but not one of those things seem to be what was really wrong.
My husband, who has been seeing me like this for the past week, kept telling me he didn’t like me like that. I told him, I didn’t like me like this either but I’m really having a tough time.
Because I don’t know what’s wrong, I can’t explain to someone what’s going on if I don’t understand it myself.
He asked me to try to explain it to him. I tried my best, but don’t really know if I made sense. He responded with a few things and when I woke up the next morning, what he said to me got me thinking.
I texted a few friends and asked them what were their thoughts on the issue. All 3 came back with something different. Good news is, they all gave scripture to back it up.
As I was trying to see if I resonated with any of the responses I got, I start to feel like it’s going to take a while for me to get out of this rut.
Then, I hear the Lord say:
Give me your whole heart
Not part of it
Not half of it
Not 3/4’s of it
Your whole heart
That’s when you’ll feel relief
The only way for you to get over this is to give it to Me
How much longer do you want to feel this way?
Speak to the spirit
Tell it to go
Stop welcoming it in your home
You’ve allowed it to unpack and relax
You’ve let what she said make you lose sight of Me
So what she said those things to you
You know who you are
The people that matter know who you are
I know who you are
If you have to try to force people to see you a certain way, they will never see you for who you really are
You were so worried about making yourself look good that you’ve made yourself miserable
It ends here
You are bigger than this battle
Tell the depression, the anger, the bitterness, the oppression, the self comparison, the confusion, the sadness, and self-pity that it has to go and do not let it back in
You’ve had enough
Now grow from this
Guard your heart D’ondra
Stop letting them get the best of you
I asked, What do you mean, aren’t I supposed to give my best?!
Stop letting them wear you thin
You can say no
Stop trying to please everyone
Your first ministry is your home
You can’t expect your kids to see you stressed out and upset all the time and have them act any different
You set the tone for your daughters
Let them see you in a way that is loving, kind, and joyful
Same for your husband
Stay close to Me, I will never lead you astray
Relax and know I am still in control
Did God just yell at me?!
Talk about tough love! I’m pretty sure while the Lord was telling me that, He was shaking me at the same time. You know, when you don’t wanna hit someone, you shake em like you’re telling them to “WAKE UP!”
I started to feel bad for my husband and kids seeing me like this for so long. I really didn’t realize I was bringing this on myself. That made me even more frustrated. To know this was self afflicted pain. OMG!! Like come on D’ondra. You can do so much better than this!!
In all of this, I learned that my joy doesn’t come from anything that is material. It comes from the Lord. As long as I allow things around me to control my mood, and not Him, I will continue to feel horrible.
We must remember that this joy that we have, the world didn’t give it and the world can’t take it away!!